The new BMW XM doesn't give a shit about you.

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It doesn't care if you like it.

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Or think it's beautiful.

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Or think it's a proper M car.

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It just cares about being insane. About being as wild as possible. As powerful as possible. As absolutely boundary pushing as possible.

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And it sure doesn't care if you think it's heavy or not.

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It just cares about being insane. About being as wild as possible. As powerful as possible. As absolutely boundary pushing as possible. And it sure doesn't care if you think it's heavy or not—because it IS heavy, but that only makes it better at what it does: make your heart stop and your mind explode with every twist of its throttle pedal, every turn of the wheel, every shift of its transmission, every press of its brake pedal.

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People who want something that makes no apologies for itself, that will always go faster than anyone can imagine going, and that will never let up until every conceivable limit has been reached and surpassed (and then some).

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We can tell you that the BMW XM is a beast of a car, but we're not going to do that because we know what the BMW XM is all about: freedom from common sense and convention. The BMW XM is about going fast without worrying about speed limits, or whether your hair looks good in the wind. It's about doing whatever you want with no regard for rules or consequences or efficiency—because if there was ever a car made for that kind of attitude, this is it.

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From a company that perfected the "one sausage, three lengths" design philosophy for three decades, the XM is a complete and utter punch to the jugular of BMW naysayers. BMW has a reputation for building cars that are, above all else, precise. They're precise in their design, precision in their performance, and precise in their handling.

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It doesn't care if you think its looks are ugly—because they ARE ugly (in the best way). It doesn't care if you think its interior is formulaic besides some brown suede on the dashboard—because there's no way in hell anything about this car could ever be described as "formulaic." It doesn't even care if you think its performance isn't groundbreaking enough or that there are better cars out there in terms of performance or value for money or practicality or whichever other criteria you happen to use when deciding what makes something good—it just wants to get out and do its thing, which is basically just going fast and making lots of noise while doing so.

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Is the Cayenne GT faster? Yup. BMW doesn't care.

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Because the BMW XM is an animal, and animals don't care about anything but instinct, and this is what the XM is: a predator at home on any terrain, ready to hunt down whatever prey comes its way and tear it apart with its teeth and claws until nothing remains but scraps of fur and flesh scattered all across the land like confetti after a party that everyone had fun at until suddenly everyone stopped having fun because someone got eaten by a dinosaur monster belonging to another species entirely.

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So yeah…they may have not listened to your suggestions for design changes, but who cares? They're now building cars like this:

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And you know? Good on them. This thing is the culmination of pent-up rage in the BMW planning department.

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"Fuck this. They want extreme? We'll show 'em extreme."

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That's what this car is all about—the absolute pursuit of insanity through the medium of automotive engineering, which means everything else comes second to that primary mission statement: "Go fast!"

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In a world that is rapidly becoming responsible, this is BMW's last gas-powered hurrah. And one epic troll with it's mid-90s Lexus gold badges.

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Hur-fucking-ah indeed.